One underlying theme that my clients have been exploring recently is a growing sense of powerlessness or feeling overwhelmed when they actually pause and take in all of the things that are happening around them at once.
At times it feels as if we’ve been experiencing devastating blow after blow, and threats to our existence from many directions- including legislatively and environmentally- for the last several years.
Alternatively perhaps, we are finally seeing things come to the surface that were bubbling underneath the foundation of several systems we exist in. The early days of the pandemic seem so distant- it truly has been a couple of years-and now we are at the point of adding illnesses rather than the original one disappearing.
This means that although we have started to move forward or create the “new normal” there are still several potential health risks associated with that.
Another theme that I have seen occupying the therapy space since early 2020 is the concept of collective grief.
We have witnessed so much death and loss, both in a literal sense- perhaps losing friends, loved ones, acquaintances…- and in a metaphorical sense- the loss of our previous way of life.
As a society, we have been dealing with adjustments to our way of life such as social distancing practices and many shifting to remote working and virtual school. While a lot of us were at home and sitting still more than we ordinarily would, we also endured countless traumas related to the deaths of unarmed Black civilians being posted to media outlets, which resulted in us being exposed to several high profile and ongoing cases. (Speaking of cases, a recent supreme court decision is not doing us any favors in all of this…).
For Black people, and particularly Black women in universities and workplaces, the combination of these losses and the emotional labor required to navigate the range of responses from peers and colleagues often contributed to the weight we have to carry during this particular time in history.
Throughout these periods of loss, fear, uncertainty and unrest, one thing I have reflected on is common humanity.
Essentially, common humanity can help to remind us that suffering is universal and a part of life, therefore we are never alone. In each moment of difficulty we face, we are alive and there are others alive with shared experiences and emotions. While the constant threats to our health, our safety, our democracy, and our bodily autonomy are simultaneously frightening, enraging, and exhausting- there continue to be opportunities for us to look around and notice who is still standing with us and for us in difficult times.
All of these things are happening in the background while the daily trials and triumphs that are a part of the journey of life still must go on.
Check in with yourself as you read this. What is coming up for you? What are you feeling?
Perhaps, overwhelmed?
There are things you can do to cope with feeling overwhelmed by the current state of our society.
Feeling as though we are in control of our lives and our destinies can often bring a sense of comfort, or alternatively, feeling as though we have no control can often induce a sense of distress. Many of the situations listed above are out of our immediate/individual control, but what we always have control over is ourselves and our decisions- even if it does not always feel that way.
Remember-
These are not normal times and we do not have to be ok with all of the chaos around us. In fact, we can do ourselves a lot of favors by honoring the parts of us that are still hurting, still grieving, and still in shock. Ignoring these pieces and trying to just push through can lead us to a state of being in survival mode.
You may be in survival mode already if:
-you find yourself easily frustrated by relatively minor things
-you don’t have energy left for anything other than working and sleeping
-you feel an urge to self-isolate
-you find yourself avoiding your feelings
-you just feel numb
All of these experiences are valid. You have permission to listen to your body.
Practicing mindfulness and being in tune with our bodies can help us to determine what the best decision for ourselves is at any given moment, and slowly pull ourselves away from survival mode into reengaging with life. What I love about mindfulness as a concept is that it does not always have to be a formal practice like doing a long yoga session or guided meditation exercise- even though those things are great! However, mindfulness can also be the active intention to be present in whatever moment you find yourself in now. You may not be able to immediately turn the tides of systemic oppression and a global pandemic in this moment, but you are able to check in with yourself and make a decision that makes getting to the next moment easier.
We can remain centered in times of overwhelm or emotional distress about all of the big uncertainties around us by reminding ourselves of what is actually ours to control.
I recently heard a song lyric that asked- are you living or are you just alive?
We can exercise our personal power by choosing to live with purpose in any circumstance that we are given.This does not mean that we will snap our fingers and things will be easy, or that we will never feel sadness or pain again. This means, we can choose to embrace ourselves for every emotional experience that we find ourselves in- even grief, even pain, even the suffering of common humanity- and still actively choose to make it to the next moment. Some days you might not have energy for elaborate self care plans, and in those moments you can still offer yourself the kindness of acknowledging and accepting your human experience as valid.
You are the most important factor in your own equation.
You have the personal power to find something that makes each moment a little more bearable, or even enjoyable, and to hold onto that thing tightly as long as it does not cause harm to yourself or others. Some things that clients, colleagues, and friends have found to be useful lately are embracing moments to be carefree. This can look like turning on your favorite song and dancing like nobody’s watching, choosing an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and empowered, listening to a podcast that inspires you, having a deep conversation with a person who embraces you for all that you are, or doing something creative. The beauty in carefree moments is that you get to decide what that means for you.
Your personal power is being intentional with as many moments as possible, and using that intention to act in a way that protects your ability to continue on to the next moment and the moment after that… and continue on to imagine a future where authenticity and empowerment are possible for you.
I often have conversations with clients and colleagues about the conflict between the guilt that comes with tuning out of the news cycles and the emotional distress that can come from “doom scrolling” on various media sources and news outlets, especially at night.
If you are someone who has not had the capacity to keep engaging with what feels like near constant terrifying news, I want you to ask yourself- are you avoiding or are you resting?
There is no right answer, just the invitation to notice.
Perhaps one answer brings you peace, or calls you to action.
Always remember, a lot of us are also tired. There’s only so much we can do systemically and broadly. It’s ok to rejoin the important conversations and the broader movements when you have space.
We can rest, because rest is resistance, and our existence is resistance.
We can refuse to be destroyed.
We can choose where to focus our attention.
We can choose what to do with this moment.
If you find yourself more weighed down than usual, if you are noticing that it is harder to just keep carrying on as normal, if you notice your mind wandering a lot as a means of escape- you might benefit from individual therapy. Make a choice that serves you today. That is how you take back your power.
The Worth, Wisdom and Wellness Center provides Trauma & EMDR therapy, Therapy for Perfectionism and Low Self-esteem, Therapy for Anxiety and Depression, and Faith-Based Therapy to Black women and Women of Color.
If you are located in the state of Georgia and interested in starting your healing journey, you can follow any of the steps below.
- Contact us to schedule your first appointment and learn more about our services.
- Review our About Us page to learn more about our trauma trained providers.
- Review our FAQs page to learn more about therapy at our center.
We look forward to being a part of your healing journey.
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